From 'Me' to 'We': Are We Building a Shared Vision for Our Future?

When two lives intertwine, the journey shifts from individual paths to a shared adventure. But are you and your partner consciously co-creating that adventure? Building a 'we' involves more than just sharing a home or a last name; it's about cultivating a shared vision for your future, a sense of purpose and meaning as a couple. Without this, it's easy to drift apart or find yourselves working towards different, unaligned end goals.

The Power of a Shared Narrative

Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman emphasize the importance of 'creating shared meaning' as one of the highest levels of their Sound Relationship House theory. This involves developing a rich inner life together, complete with shared symbols, rituals, values, and goals. It’s about building a unique couple culture. [Link to a Gottman Institute resource on 'Creating Shared Meaning' or the Sound Relationship House]. When couples have a sense of shared purpose, their relationship feels more significant and resilient.

This doesn't mean you must agree on every single detail or give up individual dreams. Rather, it's about finding the overlaps, the common aspirations, and the ways your individual goals can contribute to a larger, shared vision. It’s the story you are writing together about your life as a couple.

Steps to Cultivate Your Shared Vision

• **Have 'Dream Big' Conversations:** Set aside time to talk about your individual and collective dreams for the future – 1 year, 5 years, 10 years from now. What do you want your life to look like? What experiences do you want to share?
• **Identify Shared Values:** What principles are most important to you both as individuals and as a couple? Honesty, adventure, security, family, community contribution? Aligning on core values provides a strong foundation for your shared vision.
• **Create Couple Rituals and Traditions:** These can be daily (like a morning coffee chat), weekly (a specific date night), or annual (a special holiday tradition). Rituals reinforce your bond and create a sense of 'us-ness'.
• **Define Your 'Couple Mission Statement' (Even Informally):** What is the unique purpose or contribution of your relationship? Is it to create a loving family, to support each other's creative endeavors, to explore the world together, to make a difference in your community?
• **Talk About Legacy:** What do you want to be remembered for as a couple? What impact do you want to have?
• **Be Willing to Revisit and Adjust:** Life changes, and so might your shared vision. Make it an ongoing conversation, allowing your vision to evolve as you both grow.
• **Support Each Other's Individual Contributions to the 'We':** Recognize how each partner's strengths and efforts contribute to achieving your shared goals and overall vision.

Building a shared vision is an active, ongoing process of communication, negotiation, and mutual support. It transforms a relationship from two parallel lives into a deeply intertwined partnership with a compelling future you are both excited to build. It's about intentionally crafting the 'we' you both want to be.

Ready to start building a more intentional and shared vision for your future as a couple? Pebble can provide conversation starters and tools to help you define your 'we'. Explore with Pebble today.